Ruth

we move through this world leaving tales of our doings as directions to who we are. it is not a question of authenticity or accuracy. it is not about intentions. the world is filled with destructions of good intent. this is not to say that intent is unimportant. it is that there is a difference between what we intend and that which results. it is like communication. there is what we say and that which is heard. i ask the question, if you wish to communicate a thought, an idea, or a belief so that it is truly understood which is more important, the said or the heard? the question really is, what do you leave behind? when we meet saint peter at the gates of heaven, whether in metaphor or actuality, it is what we have done, not what we intended to do that is his interest. these thoughts come to me as i sit here on a beach thinking of friends and loved ones on the other side of the world. what are they doing? How are they? when will i see them again? life is a very fine thread that we follow blinded by insurmountable opportunities. at any moment it could break and we would be in a place not here. what prints do you leave? what markers are left to tell others of your life? i have found myself wondering at the way in which we live and how we die. there is not really a difference in these. it is more about how present we are to that which is around us. Each step we take, each word we utter, each look to the side is an expression of who we are. there is not a moment that we are not living nor in which we do not die. i ask you, with whom do you converse? at this very moment a dialog is raging around you. life is desperately telling you secrets. it is giving you gifts that without you would die. And regardless of your intent it is not a one way conversation. what do you tell it when people crowd around? what does it hear when you are unaware of it? these thoughts are with me because a friend has past and i am on the other side of the world. ruth was a person of great passion who lived and died with utter conviction. hers was not a life of compromise nor retreat. i know little of the details of her life. i knew but a brief moment of her story. yet, it was enough to realize that a person of beauty and strength was before me. these are not the easiest of friends, but often they are the most precious. what is it that we cherish? what voices do we hear when no one else is around? when death is near what scrap of paper is left for others to find? even when ruth's voice was weak and the words precious there was furiousity and desire that moved them. this is what i heard when last i spoke with her, a passion not even a phone could conceal. i always will remember that though my intent was to visit her this past summer i did not. i always had things to do and places to go. what is it that we deem important? for much of my life i was filled with good intentions, so much so that i believe it distanced me from what resulted. intent, while important, is not a thing of the physical. for those of us raised in an industrial, linear culture intent is of the mind. This is perhaps part of what has contributed to its distancing from the physical. while intent itself is not physical its distance, or relationship if you will, to actuality directly affects how this intent is expressed. i believe that intent is better held in the heart. various cultures believe that this is the true place of consciousness and it is beneficial to remember that the heart contains a patch of cells that are like those of the brain. ruth was a person who related to the world from her heart. it was her strength and her pain. our world is in need of heart and ruth gave all she had, willing and freely. for all its pains and missteps i have no doubt that hers was a life well lived. where does your intent reside? from where does your mind arise? ruth's gift, and it was no small giving, was her heart. my life was enriched and uplifted by it. what is it that at this very moment is whispering in your ear? what scraps of paper do you leave behind for others to read? the few pieces i have of ruth's i will cherish for the rest of my life. they will give me strength and a conviction. her heart is now a part of mine. It whispers in my ear and a world of beauty and secrets swirl around me.